Ism #9

Saturday was a busy but relaxing day. After housework, Aidan's basketball game, and a satisfying meal of broccoli cheese soup, we sat around as a family in front of the fire. Sean and Asa wrestled and tickled each other on the floor, so much so that Asa giggled and farted at the same time, at one point on his dad's head.

"Eww, you farted in my ear." Sean cried, "I can smell it with my ear."

Whereby I then snorted, "Well at least your ears are good for one thing."

At some point, Asa managed to get his short little arms around Sean's neck and yelled, "Can you feel the pain?!"

Sean was also contributing to the fart-fest, trying to blame them on Asa.

"That wasn't me." yelled Asa.

"Bet it was." said Sean. "Smell my butt and you'll see."

Ass smelled the butt and we haven't seen him since. ;}

Ism #8

We met a friend in Richmond this weekend, always so great meeting back up with good friends over grub. We'd never been to Richmond and were amazed at the history and architecture. As a result, we ended the day with a drive around town.

Enter>Asa
The boys are bored and talking and fussing. Suddenly, Asa quips, "Hey, that's Geico. 15 minutes can save you money on your car insurance."

WHAT?!?! Kids got a memory like a bank safe.

Ism #7

We all know it happens, heck you may be one of the few, the proud, the people who still have all their Xmas stuff up. Well, we have them up here in VA as well. About a mile or two down the road lives a man who LOVES to celebrate most holidays with more yard bric-a-brac than I've ever seen in a quarter acre lot--Halloween, easter, Xmas, thanksgiving--he's got yard art for it all. It's now almost mid-January and his Xmas stuff is still standing.

Enter>Asa
Sean is driving home with Asa, who notices the man's yard art. "Daddy, why does that man still have all that Xmas stuff out?"

"I don't know Asa."

"I think we should crash our car through his house and then drive away."

Sean asks with concern, "Don't you think we would get in trouble?"

"Nah."

"Well don't you think we would damage our car?"

"No, I'm serious."

Ism #6

For those who have children, boys in particular, you'll understand the critical nature of potty training. Those who have boys will certainly commiserate with the challenge we had potty training Asa. #1 was super easy and he's had very few accidents. Nope, it's #2 that really got us. This kid could hold it like nothing I've ever seen. He could hold it for almost a week, even with laxatives.

After a year of tears, anger, and potty boot camp, we're finally at a good place. He likes to go to the bathroom now. Even brags about being able to clog up the toilet so daddy has to use the plunger.

Enter>Asa
He is on a schedule. Every day when he comes home..."I'm going poop. I'll call you when I'm done."

He calls Sean in to wipe. Which Sean does in the most efficient and daddy-like manner. Which prompts Asa to respond, "When I grow up, I won't be able to wipe my butt."

"Well, I'm not going to do it!" Sean responds, thinking of a previous Asa-ism--I'm going to be the father of a grown adult who refuses to wipe his butt before riding to work on his bike with training wheels.

Ism #5

During the summer, Sean enjoyed taking the boys on small day trips when I had to work. This past summer, he thought, Hey my schedule is about to change and I won't have these opportunities much longer. I'll take the boys in on the train and see the zoo.

The day is warm and they have a great time...soda, pretzles, ice cream. You know, daddy food. They are about to leave the zoo for the 30 minute train ride and 45 minute car ride, when Sean asks the boys, "Do you need to pee?"

Both boys answer in the affirmative so Sean stops to look around for the nearest restroom. Spotting one, he reaches down for Asa's hand.

Asa is standing there, in the middle of the National Zoo, with his pants down and winkie hanging out. Apparently, when Sean asked Asa if he needed to pee, he thought Sean meant literaly, pee now.

Ism #4

Sean picks Asa up at school. Asa loves to talk and jabber about anything. Suddenly, he says, "Daddy, when you and mommy die, I'm going to live in your house so nobody takes it."

Sean is a bit taken aback and says, "Well, mommy and daddy aren't going to die any time soon."

Asa seems puzzled, "Tomorrow, then."

"No Asa, not tomorrow."

"Huh, well OK. But Bush must be dead cause he was a bad president."

Not sure what a parent is supposed to say to a 4 year old's interpretation of politics, but Sean took the high road and silently drove the rest of the way home.

ISM #3

It's a precious moment in every parents life. The day your child...sits up, takes their first step, rides their first bike. A joy and picture-perfect moment that we usually treasure.

Enter>Asa
Asa got his first bike last year and quickly mastered the bike-with-training-wheels process. Watching him ride was magic...wobbling from left to right, bouncing off the training wheel on either side. So he's four, and we decided HEY lets take Asa's training wheels off. He's a big boy now.

Daddy completes said task without Asa's knowledge and we head for the great outdoors, or at least the empty roads at the back of our subdivision. It doesn't take Asa long to realize, SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH MY BIKE.

(commence the crying, screaming, and yelling)"I don't want to ride like this."

We think, hey we'll keep walking and he'll make his own decision. You can't force a kid to do this. So we walk, occasionally getting Asa to pedal a couple yards, screaming the whole time, "I want to go home, I want my training wheels, I'm going to die."

We walk the whole way, maybe a mile, with Asa pushing his bike behind us. FINALLY, we're a block from the house and Sean and I are just grateful to put an end to the suffering...ours. As we approach the house, I notice dog poop on the sidewalk and do the motherly thing, "Boys watch out for the poop."

Aidan looks down as he passes, "Ooooo gross. People need to pick up their mess."

Asa is a couple feet behind me, entranced by the poop on the sidewalk. Still pushing his bike, he's mesmerized by it. "Asa, don't step in the poop."

"I know." But he can't stop looking at it. He's just even with the poop, looking down, and proceeds to fall over the pile with his bike. Fortunately, he righted himself and averted a major catastrophe. Walking up the driveway with his bike, he yelled at his dad, "When I'm an adult, I'm putting my training wheels back on."

It was not a good "first" experience and we haven't taken him bike riding since.

Ism #2

OK let's get it out there...kids are difficult, frustrating, nerve bending...put whatever adjective on it you want. It's amazing how quickly children pick up on this frustration, especially if they aren't on the receiving end of your anger.

Enter>Asa
Evidently, he'd spent the better part of the weekend hearing Aidan and I go at it, culminating in my final words on the matter, "Aidan, I'm tired of your crap." Yes, I know, parents should be more circumspect.

Aidan's favorite pastime is bothering Asa. He picks and picks and picks until Asa can't take it. Usually Asa resorts to violence, and we've warned Aidan time and again that we're not going to do anything about Asa kicking his butt when he's been warned to leave him alone.

I call home on one of my class days to check in with Sean and talk to the boys. Sean tells me that Asa got in trouble. Yeah, I can't imagine. He's such an angel. Apparently that evening as Sean picked the boys up from school, Aidan started in early on his favorite activity. Asa reached the end of his rope sooner than usual and, instead of resorting to violence (which is hard when you're strapped in a car seat), yelled "Look Aidan, I'm tired of your crap!"

I can't imagine where he got that from :)

Ism #1

Asa always seemed older than his years, even at 1 or 2 years. But like all toddlers, he could certainly choose his moments. For example, I had been out of town for almost a week and it was the first time my husband had been at home with both boys by himself. Believe me, San Francisco felt like a million miles from home at the time. Without incident, Sean pulled off his week with Super Daddy skill. It wasn't until the moment, two blocks from Asa's school, that the Ism of Asa struck.

Sean and I are riding in the car, he'd picked me up from the airport moments ago. My cell phone rings...it's Asa'a day care. "Angela, how soon can you get here?" Not the words a mommie wants to hear after being away from her babies for a week. We rush those final blocks to find Asa sitting wide-eyed in the directors office with a ice bag stuck to his face.

Evidently in his eagerness to play (forshadowing of the years to come), Asa fell and bit completely through his bottom lip. HE WASN'T EVEN CRYING! So we rush him to the emergency room and wait for an hour in a freezing cold exam room for the doctor to tell us it's no big deal and won't require stiches. $100 please and see yourself out.

To this day, Asa still has a scar and comes home weekly with incident write-ups...tripped over his shoes outside and bashed his head against the slide, playing with a friend and smacked himself in the face with a dump truck...you see where I'm going.

An Ism Was Born

We all have a deep understanding of the value children bring...they make us laugh, make us cry, make us see the world through completely innocent eyes. I love both my children equally, but my youngest, Asa, seems to have been cut from a different bolt of cloth and offers us daily lessons in the Isms of Asa.

I hope you will join me for this journey, some will make you shake your head or chuckle to yourself. Most of all, I want you to remember how wonderful your youth was and how you can continue to enjoy that memory with the antics of your own special ism.