Ism #9

Saturday was a busy but relaxing day. After housework, Aidan's basketball game, and a satisfying meal of broccoli cheese soup, we sat around as a family in front of the fire. Sean and Asa wrestled and tickled each other on the floor, so much so that Asa giggled and farted at the same time, at one point on his dad's head.

"Eww, you farted in my ear." Sean cried, "I can smell it with my ear."

Whereby I then snorted, "Well at least your ears are good for one thing."

At some point, Asa managed to get his short little arms around Sean's neck and yelled, "Can you feel the pain?!"

Sean was also contributing to the fart-fest, trying to blame them on Asa.

"That wasn't me." yelled Asa.

"Bet it was." said Sean. "Smell my butt and you'll see."

Ass smelled the butt and we haven't seen him since. ;}

Ism #8

We met a friend in Richmond this weekend, always so great meeting back up with good friends over grub. We'd never been to Richmond and were amazed at the history and architecture. As a result, we ended the day with a drive around town.

Enter>Asa
The boys are bored and talking and fussing. Suddenly, Asa quips, "Hey, that's Geico. 15 minutes can save you money on your car insurance."

WHAT?!?! Kids got a memory like a bank safe.

Ism #7

We all know it happens, heck you may be one of the few, the proud, the people who still have all their Xmas stuff up. Well, we have them up here in VA as well. About a mile or two down the road lives a man who LOVES to celebrate most holidays with more yard bric-a-brac than I've ever seen in a quarter acre lot--Halloween, easter, Xmas, thanksgiving--he's got yard art for it all. It's now almost mid-January and his Xmas stuff is still standing.

Enter>Asa
Sean is driving home with Asa, who notices the man's yard art. "Daddy, why does that man still have all that Xmas stuff out?"

"I don't know Asa."

"I think we should crash our car through his house and then drive away."

Sean asks with concern, "Don't you think we would get in trouble?"

"Nah."

"Well don't you think we would damage our car?"

"No, I'm serious."

Ism #6

For those who have children, boys in particular, you'll understand the critical nature of potty training. Those who have boys will certainly commiserate with the challenge we had potty training Asa. #1 was super easy and he's had very few accidents. Nope, it's #2 that really got us. This kid could hold it like nothing I've ever seen. He could hold it for almost a week, even with laxatives.

After a year of tears, anger, and potty boot camp, we're finally at a good place. He likes to go to the bathroom now. Even brags about being able to clog up the toilet so daddy has to use the plunger.

Enter>Asa
He is on a schedule. Every day when he comes home..."I'm going poop. I'll call you when I'm done."

He calls Sean in to wipe. Which Sean does in the most efficient and daddy-like manner. Which prompts Asa to respond, "When I grow up, I won't be able to wipe my butt."

"Well, I'm not going to do it!" Sean responds, thinking of a previous Asa-ism--I'm going to be the father of a grown adult who refuses to wipe his butt before riding to work on his bike with training wheels.

Ism #5

During the summer, Sean enjoyed taking the boys on small day trips when I had to work. This past summer, he thought, Hey my schedule is about to change and I won't have these opportunities much longer. I'll take the boys in on the train and see the zoo.

The day is warm and they have a great time...soda, pretzles, ice cream. You know, daddy food. They are about to leave the zoo for the 30 minute train ride and 45 minute car ride, when Sean asks the boys, "Do you need to pee?"

Both boys answer in the affirmative so Sean stops to look around for the nearest restroom. Spotting one, he reaches down for Asa's hand.

Asa is standing there, in the middle of the National Zoo, with his pants down and winkie hanging out. Apparently, when Sean asked Asa if he needed to pee, he thought Sean meant literaly, pee now.

Ism #4

Sean picks Asa up at school. Asa loves to talk and jabber about anything. Suddenly, he says, "Daddy, when you and mommy die, I'm going to live in your house so nobody takes it."

Sean is a bit taken aback and says, "Well, mommy and daddy aren't going to die any time soon."

Asa seems puzzled, "Tomorrow, then."

"No Asa, not tomorrow."

"Huh, well OK. But Bush must be dead cause he was a bad president."

Not sure what a parent is supposed to say to a 4 year old's interpretation of politics, but Sean took the high road and silently drove the rest of the way home.

ISM #3

It's a precious moment in every parents life. The day your child...sits up, takes their first step, rides their first bike. A joy and picture-perfect moment that we usually treasure.

Enter>Asa
Asa got his first bike last year and quickly mastered the bike-with-training-wheels process. Watching him ride was magic...wobbling from left to right, bouncing off the training wheel on either side. So he's four, and we decided HEY lets take Asa's training wheels off. He's a big boy now.

Daddy completes said task without Asa's knowledge and we head for the great outdoors, or at least the empty roads at the back of our subdivision. It doesn't take Asa long to realize, SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH MY BIKE.

(commence the crying, screaming, and yelling)"I don't want to ride like this."

We think, hey we'll keep walking and he'll make his own decision. You can't force a kid to do this. So we walk, occasionally getting Asa to pedal a couple yards, screaming the whole time, "I want to go home, I want my training wheels, I'm going to die."

We walk the whole way, maybe a mile, with Asa pushing his bike behind us. FINALLY, we're a block from the house and Sean and I are just grateful to put an end to the suffering...ours. As we approach the house, I notice dog poop on the sidewalk and do the motherly thing, "Boys watch out for the poop."

Aidan looks down as he passes, "Ooooo gross. People need to pick up their mess."

Asa is a couple feet behind me, entranced by the poop on the sidewalk. Still pushing his bike, he's mesmerized by it. "Asa, don't step in the poop."

"I know." But he can't stop looking at it. He's just even with the poop, looking down, and proceeds to fall over the pile with his bike. Fortunately, he righted himself and averted a major catastrophe. Walking up the driveway with his bike, he yelled at his dad, "When I'm an adult, I'm putting my training wheels back on."

It was not a good "first" experience and we haven't taken him bike riding since.